This exists: Website selling milk gargled by very average-looking white chicks

Via White Power Milk…

Milk that may appear by smell to be perfectly consumable (even organic), can contain contaminants such as suspended particles, parasites, bacteria, viruses, and fungi. Through extensive recruitment within the upper echelons of society, we deliver the finest milk purified in a way only we can. Our secret ingredient is in the process through which rich, beautiful, white girls gargle your milk to absolute perfection.

To be eligible to filter White Power Milk, each white girl must be accredited as socially elite and deemed physically in superb health. However, rarely is it necessary to involve interviews or doctors. When we find the right girl from the right family, we just know.

The FAQ is the best part…

Q: Is this real? Do the girls really gargle the milk you sell?
A: Yes, of course.

Q: Do you ship outside the USA?
A: No, because the milk will spoil. The frozen gel packs can only keep it cold for 24 hours at the most. For our prospective customers outside the USA, we recommend you purchase a gargling video.